Pregnancy number 4-Boy, born 9/99--Part One.

Please bear with me, this is not going to be one post. It will be several. And I don't want to write any of it, but I'm not going to keep it inside.

I had reunited with the ex, and we became pregnant within a month...For a day I considered abortion, but then I had a dream, with all sorts of people I knew coming to me, telling me to have this baby, that he was very special and very important. So that was it. I was scared, just 21 years old, no job, boyfriend worked a minimum wage job, we'd just moved into a studio apt. that is the size of my master bathroom now. But I was really excited to be pregnant. I wanted to be a mommy.
We told our families, well, I told my mom and one of my sisters, then my younger brother (note--he was 17, and the ONLY person who said "congratulations" to me. I know it was mostly because, in his mind, that's what you say when someone says they are pregnant, but he was the ONLY one, and I don't think he knew how much it meant to me.) Then I made my mother tell my oldest brother and sister...my oldest brother threw a fit like I was 14 years old getting knocked up. Everyone's reaction was, what are you going to do?
I was like, if I was going to "do" anything, I would have done it and not told you about the pregnancy!
My boyfriend (the ex) was okay at first...then informed me he couldn't deal with fatherhood. He'd had a severely fucked-up dad, and was terrified of becoming him, since he'd had no other example...He told me he'd stay with me and support me but once the baby arrived, he didn't know what he'd choose.
So I was basically informed I'd be dumped once the baby came.
I got a full time job, data entry, when I was 9 weeks along. Borrowed from my mom against my first month's pay to buy a used Volvo. Moved back in with mom and brother till they moved to Texas in June of that year (got pregnant in Jan), then moved back in with boyfriend--though I spent nearly half the week at his place anyway.
I woke up one morning, 37th week of pregnancy, with very faint but regular contractions, went to grocery store to buy Corn Pops, took a shower and shaved my legs...as I got out there was a trickle...then a little more. I woke him up at this point, and said, honey, I think my water's broken...I was squatting on the bed, naked at this point...he got up to pee, and I suddenly yelled, towell! Get me a towel! He hands me a hand towel and I'm yelling no! the bath towel! which I folded up under me.
I call the doctor's office--it's a bout 11:30 am--they are out to lunch, telling me to call back after 1 pm unless it was an emergency...my water had broken, this wasn't an emergency in my mind, so I just waited...called family to tell them...the ex asked if he had time to dye his hair (fire engine manic panic red devil's lock if you were wondering)...I told him go ahead...
One o'clock came, contractions weren't strong but were regular, I called dr.'s office and the nurse said, well you need to come in here so we can make sure your water really broke...I'm still naive, should have told her, I am sitting on two fucking towels that are drenched, lady, I KNOW it's broken.
So because I was told it is very dangerous to drive while in labor, I make the ex drive me. Except he doesn't have his license. And hadn't driven in two years. It was funny. Good thing we were very close to dr.'s office.
So they get me in a room, nurse tells me to undress from waist down, just as I lay back, another gush of fluid comes out, and she's like, oh, yeah, your water certainly broke, just go right to L&D (the hospital is basically next door) and oh, here's a maxi pad in case more fluid comes out.
I soak through the maxi on walk to L&D, arrive looking like I wet my pants, but hey, I'm in the right place for it...
My sister Mary meets me in my labor room, she's got a stuffed ostrich for me.
After changing into a gown, they hook me up, I have a very nice labor nurse. I had been positive for Group B Strep, so they have to induce me, since my contractions aren't really picking up. My other sister and her girlfriend arrive, as does the ex's mom.
I have a pretty smooth labor, getting a water-proof monitor and getting to sit in a tub for a long while, and finally, I start pushing--I have to push, I said, I'm sorry but I have to! I told the nurse, she was like, go ahead...She was wonderful. Finally he's crowning, she has me get off a birthing stool I was using and into the bed, then comes the doctor to catch him...Immediately they put him on my stomach, but he's just pooped himself and my first reaction is Yuck! But I'm very energized by the sense of relief from birthing him, and I push out the placenta, then sit up and ask the doctor if she really had to cut me...she looks shocked and says, you were starting to tear sideways.
I joke we want the placenta for a Halloween decoration...and soon I'm being stitched up (the needle hurt worse than being cut!) and the ex tells me he's leaving to get some sleep at home, everyone's left, and a woman comes in to give my son his first bath. They won't let me nurse him right away (my celexa isn't good for babies I guess) so someone else comes in and feeds him formula with a cup--so he will be less likely to have nipple confusion. They take me to my room, and by this time, it is after 2 am, and I sleep. He sleeps, too.
It was a wonderful birth, and I feel invincible after.